exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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