3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
