You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
