So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
