we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
