do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
