If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize