Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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