He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
