Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
