You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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