There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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