Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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