I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
