I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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