Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
