What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
