Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
