she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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