"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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