My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize