Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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