Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
