a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
