i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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