So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize