Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
40s are totally the cure
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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