We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
