Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
