guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
