i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
