Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
