Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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