I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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