My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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