I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
