thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
