OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
