the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
