the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
