I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
