Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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