he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
