I just threw up on my dentist
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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