You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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