her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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