please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
