dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
