thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
