And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
