don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
