Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
