Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
