i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You need Xanax blowdarts
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
