the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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