It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Holy sore nipples Batman
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
