I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
