I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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