he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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