I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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