Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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