he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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