just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, beer. Big fan.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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