if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
