Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize