we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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