He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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